Two Week Wait

My plans for staying sane during the two week wait:

1.    Stay as busy as possible!!! Overbook myself like I never have before, make appointments, see friends I haven’t talked to in a year, work double shifts, stay in motion.

2.    Go ahead, blame everything on the baby: I’ve eaten an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s Phish food, it’s because the baby needed calcium, I’m are crying uncontrollably for no reason, must be the pregnancy hormones

3.    When I feel sure that I’m not pregnant, even though it is only day 19, go ahead and experience that sadness, grieve the loss of this month’s hope, and then plan my next step.

4.    Try not to look at calendars; I try not to even know what day it is.

5.    Do not test early, wait for your period, wait for day 28

6.    Remind well-intentioned questioners that you won’t know anything for two whole weeks, but they will be the first to hear the results.

7.    Live a normal life, go to hot yoga, have a beer, have a morning coffee, eat seafood, take care of myself, but don’t restrict every “not during pregnancy” activity.

After so much, planning, waiting, and build up, the actual pregnancy test day was quick and easy. I made myself wait until day 29 of my cycle, after work. I went to a drugstore (not my usual one, as if I’m embarrassed to be buying a pregnancy test from pharmacists who know me, chalk that up to American sex-shame?) bought a test with two sticks and drove to the farm. The same place where I had my RV insemination. I went straight to the bathroom, and tried to read through all the instructions while I really had to pee. My friend MK came in while I was waiting and we watched the two pink lines quickly appear. She kept asking if that was it, which meant I was really pregnant. I kept saying that the tests are really accurate and you can’t false positive, only false negative. I was trying to believe that my crazy plan actually worked, right away. I texted my tribe a photo of the positive test and spread the good news. My next thought was, damn, I guess I have to tell my parents now….

It was really hard to absorb the shock, and surprise of being pregnant when I didn’t feel any different. The next few weeks, I just walked around in disbelief. I told my donor, and he said how happy he was for me. What a perfect response.

Since I quit my job I didn’t have any health insurance so I applied for pregnancy Medicaid right away. It was a pretty easy process. I felt a little weird taking government assistance for the first time in my life, but am thankful it is there.